Dyin to Serve 'the ocho'

That's all

2010-03-17T18:01:00.000-05:00

Handy Experience

2010-03-10T10:44:00.011-06:00

If nothing else, after 6 years of doctoring, we Lingenfelters know our way around hospitals and doctor's offices. Comes in handy sometimes. Quite often Pam will give first hand recommendations regarding physicians, surgeons, oncologists, etc. to friends and acquaintances. She/we can give pretty detailed directions to and around most medical facilities. I have even been trained in several medical procedures I won't mention (and I am not just talking about removing stitches, but Pam would kill me if I got more detailed). Pam and I can diagnose many ailments/conditions with a fair amount of accuracy these days. OK, Pam can. I can, however, tell you which hospital serves the best food (OSF) and what is best to order. **Disclaimer...we have certain medical insiders that help us terrifically and at this point I am very tempted to link you to a pic of her/them...but I am not going to do it. You'll have to find your own insiders, sorry.

Spring is nearly here. Today it is going to be 63 degrees or so. We all are ready, kids included. In our world, baseball tryouts and the start of track practices are clear signs that winter is nearing an end (now we can all debate whether beginning to play baseball in mid-February in IL is a sign that winter is over, but that is the way it works these days...your summer sport begins before your spring). So on the second Saturday of February, our son, Sir Swingsalot, headed off to the batting cage to get ready for tryouts on 2/27 & 2/28 (track began on 3/1). It was on this day Feb. 13th, that Mighty Casey entered the cage, swungalot, and injured his back. Not just a little injury, like I immediately diagnosed, but a substantial one. For a couple of weeks I encouraged Josh to work through it, all the while convincing a concerned and experienced mom that it was a muscle strain/pull. Ever obedient and non-complaining Josh pressed on, doing what he could, getting through the two weeks prior to tryouts successfully, but still with pain. The first day of tryouts was the day that his dad realized that he wasn't getting better, he may actually be worse. Gulp.

I relented and off to the doctor he went. It took his doctor little time to tell us he needed an MRI. That MRI happened one week ago on Wednesday. Josh entered this experience with a certain amount of excitement and interest. He has spent nearly half of his life watching his parents deal with medical stuff, so to him it is fairly normal. When this all began, we didn't have to wonder where to go for the MRI. Pam is an expert in these routines. The MRI is done in the same area of the hospital that Pam received her MRI's, many of her scans, and all of her radiation treatments. Because Josh defends his 2009-10 school perfect attendance status fiercely, we had to schedule the MRI late in the day. Of course there was a delay, giving us time to roam the hospital. Ah the memories...the heart floor, the oncology floor, ambulatory/surgical unit, the cafeteria, radiation, the gift shop, the waiting rooms...Methodist Hospital, our second home. Josh experienced for himself how cold the hospital can be, especially when you are dressed in a thin hospital gown. Pam told Josh not to worry. She disappeared for a few moments, going places that Joe Average might think civilians are not allowed, and reappeared with some freshly toasted blankets. Handy experience.

The MRI showed that I definitely didn't diagnose Josh correctly (go figure). Josh sees a pediatric orthopedic surgeon (he was referred to a neurosurgeon...but that seemed too scary and serious, so we opted for the orthopedic surgeon) and we hope he gives us lots of positives. We would love to hear the words "physical therapy" as opposed to "surgery." Sadly my extensive medical training was not in surgeries/procedures dealing with the spine dang it.

For now Josh is allowed to participate in PE and sports so long as he stops short of pain. Last week he was riding a bike with the track team on our long runs (serving as assistant to the assistant coach, me). This week he is back to running most of the workouts, mindful not to twist or over exert. He plays catch and does some fielding practice, but no swinging.

This post isn't about Pam and her continuing struggles, but it is, sort of. Her experience has in a way prepared Josh. Things that might be new and scary for the average 13 year old are very familiar to him. He finally sees behind the waiting room walls to the places Pam goes. Some curiosity is being satisfied. He is being shaped by all that Pam has gone through. He has stood by his mom and now he is prepared to deal with this personal adversity having watched her go through hers.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." James 1:2-3

Stop!!!

2010-02-01T15:19:00.004-06:00

How do you stop your kids from growing up? This is driving me nuts.

Erin turned 10 this morning at 9:48AM. How did that happen? Argh.

Despite all of our grown up problems, our kids just keep having birthdays and enjoying life. Whew!

2010 and all is well...

2010-01-05T15:59:00.009-06:00

...so far. Yes, so far in this cold and icy 2010, Pam has not seen or even talked to a medical provider. This year is starting out much better than last year (of course we are only 5 days in, but I am trying to be optimistic). While we had Pam's surgeries and treatments keeping us busy for the entire year, others suffered great loss.

Our Josh is a boy of few words. But sometimes the few he tosses out there really hit home. With concern in his voice he recently uttered, "We have known a lot of people who have died this year," and Erin quickly agreed. It is sad and true. Family members, friends, friends family members, and even a family pet!?! There are so many suffering and mourning and learning to deal with a much different future than they ever expected right now.

So we begin this year thankful for the position we find ourselves in. Thankful for those medical providers Pam is tired of seeing (and paying). Tired of the medicine she has to take and the tests she undergoes. But she perseveres.

As you know, we consider

blessed those who have persevered.

You have heard of Job's perseverance

and have seen what the Lord

finally brought about. The

Lord is full of compassion and mercy.

James 5:11

We have no idea what 2010 will bring, but we have hope. Hope for Pam's cancer to stay away. Hope for healing for our family and friends who have lost their loved ones.

Tis but a scratch

2009-12-14T16:26:00.006-06:00

Tis but a scratch...just a flesh wound.

After a month of worry, praying, treating and looking, the final word came in today. The spot in Pam's mouth that a biopsy was taken from a week ago is most likely caused by tamoxifan and the doctor believes over time it will heal. It is a big answer to prayer that it is not cancerous and we are thankful for all of those who submitted them on Pam's behalf.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Have a blessed Christmas. See you here?

almost crossed that bridge

2009-12-08T20:39:00.009-06:00

Around three weeks ago Pam was on cruise control, kind of postponing any thoughts about her illness and the next steps until after the holidays. That is when the little mouth "irregularity" showed up and suddenly there was another bridge to cross. Recap...off to an oral surgeon, treated as a wound for the past two weeks, scheduled to be looked at at a follow up visit today, the 8th. Pam had monitored it daily. I looked at it almost every day and to my untrained eye it seemed like some days it was healing and others it wasn't. Odd. I really thought that the surgeon would look at it and say, "It's healing slowly, but nicely." (Here is a pic of "it" from today if you dare.)

Once in the office it was one of those moments like I mentioned in a previous post. You could tell by his reactions and lack of words that he wasn't going to brush it off. Rather, he looked at it intently, sat down and said, "I still don't think this could be related to your cancer but..." In the end, Pam actually got what she wanted from todays visit. A biopsy. We have to wait until next Monday or Tuesday for the Univ. of Kentucky pathology people to decide what it is. Hoping it is a nothing something. At least we are closer to knowing.

There were positives from the past couple of days. We finally saw our first snow yesterday. Who doesn't love snow? We have never had to drive so far for a doctor. It takes just over an hour door to door. We actually had a nice drive with time to talk today. Granted, a lot of our talk centered around cancer and friends with cancer and even talking about talking about cancer. But we also talked about Randy's blog and the writings it contains (and how dumb I feel by comparison), faith, prayer, and an assortment of other things. We saw a beautiful 10 point buck prancing along a field parallel to I-74. My mind wandered off a moment or two and thought about the temperature, 32 degrees. Is that the temperature that water freezes and ice thaws? Can those two things happen at the same time? I need to check Randy's blog under the category - science - and see if he ever explained that one.

Then this evening we enjoyed some more rain. I got to go grocery shopping. Erin pulled another tooth out of her mouth. The kids found a surprise in their stockings (and you are the benefactor of that stocking stuffer if you click here ... if any of the videos stick, bump the slide next to the play button slightly). I burned a frozen pizza. Fun night. Pam is actually in good spirits even though she spent yet another rainy cold day, getting another biopsy (we have lost count of how many times we have done this, and seriously, 90% of her medical events have occurred in bad weather...Mike knows what I am talking about...a link to his incredible story will someday show up on this blog...right Mike?) We laughed a lot tonight.

We are blessed. Thanks for the prayers. If you can keep submitting them a bit longer we'd appreciate it.

downer family

2009-12-01T11:41:00.002-06:00

Read a post or two on this blog and you might walk away thinking "what a downer." We know what club we are in and we just have to embrace it. Thanks for coming down with us.

13 (or more) reasons to be thankful

2009-11-25T11:15:00.007-06:00

The weeks before and after Thanksgiving are not Pam's favorite times of the year. From mid-October to early December she gets to "celebrate" all the bad news that has historically erupted for her. Her birthday is one such anniversary (biopsy 08). So it takes the fun out of it. The day before Thanksgiving, mastectomy. Thanksgiving day...pain, loss. Oct. 19th, my birthday, self-discovery of her first tumors. It goes on and on.

This year... A little over a week ago we celebrated Pam's 24th birthday. It was 40% enjoyable for her I would say. She received loads of clothing from her store (she even got a handwritten thank you note from them for all her business), pink MLB bat, with autographs, and 98 birthday greetings on her Facebook (during my three years on Facebook I received 2 total...don't have to be a math whiz to realize that is only a little over 1 per year on average...one of the reasons I quit Facebook). It was all good. But the right side of her face and neck was sore.

Wednesday the 18th, anniversary of the 2008 diagnosis, is where I will begin with the long list of things to be thankful for from the past 7 days. Lots of links included.

1) Medpointe. On Wednesday Pam went to Medpointe to see if there was some infection causing the soreness. A rapid strep test was performed and was negative, but an antibiotic was given just as a precaution. Thankful for the Medpointe people as they didn't look on the roof of her mouth, thus saving us one night of worry last week.

2) Dr. Kristie Wollard. Concerned about her perfect teeth (chemo can be hard on such areas), Pam went in to see her friend and dentist Kristie on Thursday morning. Moments after sitting her down, Kristie and her assistant noticed an "irregularity." (That was the best pic I could get.) When you see medical professionals to the tune of 100+ per year like Pam does, you learn to read their physical actions in addition to listening to their words. Kristie's reaction was enough for Pam to understand her concern. A couple of mirrors were positioned for Pam to see. It was tough, Pam broke down. A cancer patient, especially a recurrent cancer patient, even a faithful and positive thinking one, always waits for "something" to show up. This irregularity looked like something had shown up. It appeared suddenly and it came without pain. The gray and blackness of it were startling. We are thankful for Kristie and her care and concern for Pam. She immediately directed Pam to a specialist. Oh, and Kristie didn't charge Pam for this visit. Didn't expect that.

3) A terrifically somber and short call to me from Pam followed. My heart raced as I waited for Pam to arrive. She entered the room, told me an irregularity was found by Kristie and wept. Then she showed me. I couldn't believe my eyes. So we went directly to her oncologists office without an appointment, not really able to wait a full day to see the oral surgeon. Her oncologist was out of the Peoria office that day, but we were thankful for the lab nurses/techs and that one of the other oncologists saw her. He shall remain nameless because he kind of mis-diagnosed it, and did so in a terrifically over confident way, even spelling it out on a marker board. So, the thankfulness for him is slightly less than pure thankfulness. OK, we weren't super thankful for him. Not the warm reassuring type. We were thankful that the office didn't charge us for the impromptu visit though.

4) "Second cousin" and "goofy." It isn't often that I panic. I panicked this day. Very thankful that the big shoulders of these guys met us at the Cancer Center for prayer and support. This was the first time I had ever called for support like this during the past 5 years that I remember. They didn't hesitate.

5) Dr. Michael Veeder. Really thankful for him. He called last Thursday evening (and Monday evening, and Tuesday evening) and let Pam know what steps she should be taking and that the feelings she/we had during our visit with the other oncologist were legitimate.

6) Dr. Kathy Arkwell. We have lost track of how many times Kathy has talked us through and encouraged us. She spent much time on the phone last Thursday evening with Pam giving guidance, direction and encouragement. Crazy thankful for Kathy.

7) Lisa. Thankful that Lisa showed up at our house to comfort and encourage Pam last Thursday evening. She even got her to eat something.

8) Susan and Amy. Thankful that these two haven't hardly let an hour go by without checking on Pam during all of this. You don't know how encouraging you both are.

9) Dr. Nate Shroeder. Thankful for Dr. Shroeder, an out-of-network oral surgeon who was able to look at Pam on Friday before the weekend set in. His panoramic x-ray of her mouth and jaw showed no masses, easing the concern over the sore lumps near her teeth and in her neck. He was the first to tell Pam that the chances of this being metastatic breast cancer showing up on her palate were very slim. Gave her some confidence heading into the weekend.

10) Dr. Stephen Doran. Had to travel all the way to Bloomington for this in-network oral surgeon on Monday, but he is a good one. He came with high recommendations from Kathy and that means a lot. We were thankful for his examination, second x-ray, and confidence that this was not a cancer. He explained things in a most reassuring way, although he stopped short, as most of the others had, of saying what is causing this. He thinks it is possibly a reaction to one of the drugs Pam is on. If it doesn't show signs of healing in the very near future, he will go a step further.

11) Dr. Denise Mammolito. Always thankful for Pam's general surgeon. She has looked at everything that has arisen within Pam, and this one was no different. She saw Pam yesterday for another reason, revisiting a lump Pam discovered in Sept. that she is keeping an eye on, but looked at this mouth spot as well.

12) Dr. Azizur Rehman. Thankful for him, we think, not really sure yet. About two weeks ago Pam's primary care physician retired, leaving her without a general practitioner during this latest fiasco. Dr. Rehman is in the same office as the last guy, so for now, Pam is switching to him because she can't go without someone. He is likely the last medical person who will look at this spot in her mouth for now. Thankful for that also.

And lucky #13) Pam said she might wear her Halloween costume to Thanksgiving dinner to make things more fun after this rather crappy past seven days. For that I am thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone.

5 years ago

2009-11-11T13:16:00.005-06:00

Five years ago our life was soooo different. Pam was still two weeks away from beginning the fight against her newly discovered cancer. She had all her parts. Her memory hadn't be stolen yet. Her teaching skills were second to none. She walked this hall each day tending to her 6th graders with love and amazing skill. Most of the people she taught with during her many years at Mossville have left by now. It is such a different place. It is almost strange to go back there now, like Josh and I did for a basketball game on Monday night. He and I recollected about the fun times we had in the gym on the weekend days or the many evenings Pam worked in her room and he, Erin and I played in the gym. He chuckled as he recalled the light he may or may not have broken with a misguided basketball shot. He and Erin remember how they used to leave drawings and messages on Pam's whiteboard for her class to see the following day. That hallway/classroom was pretty new when Pam left. Last time we were in there it still had that "new" classroom smell. We remembered the good (really old) old days when Pam was in her room nearest the office. The days of catching dozens of mice in the live trap, then trying to figure out how to kill them. Pregnant Pam (with Josh), teaching kids who have long since graduated from high school. Remembering some kids and many co-teachers/friends from Mossville who aren't on this earth anymore. Bringing either kid to Mossville to have lunch with Pam, and/or for Pam to give them lunch (again, back when she had all her parts).

It's just weird to think back. Five years doesn't seem like a long time, but so much has happened in those five years. So odd.

Understanding

2009-11-01T09:24:00.006-06:00

Understanding is not so easy. I don't really understand how hard things are for Pam. I know she can pull off looking fantastic and smiling. I know she can hide how she feels at times. I know her energy is low. I know her memory is shaky. I know she can't recall any better than I can exactly how many friends/family have passed away in the past year (I just went through the contacts in my cell phone and I know it is at least four, beginning with Randy). Definitely can't recall how many over the past two or three. A great man ended his 22 month battle with cancer yesterday, leaving behind his loving wife and four beautiful daughters. Don Bowen had us all praying for miracles, BIG ones. Everyone will miss Don. Christmas won't be the same without him. We don't understand.

I used to turn to Randy Shafer to help in my understanding of things big and small. I still do. His blog hangs out there for me to reference. Memories of our conversations are beginning to fade, but some things stuck. Like when he said he will know he is cured of cancer when he dies from something else. There is no cure for cancer, but some people are cured. We thought Pam was a year ago. Quite confident right up until Nov. 17th. Understanding why some are and some are not is very difficult. Understanding why the most common breast cancer treatment works in pretty much all women, except Pam, is hard. Understanding exactly what to do next is not easy. It's all enough to make a girl hurry home from an appointment and just need to eat a cookie (thanks Debbie). And candy the next day.

To quote myself...hubba, hubba

2009-10-26T15:29:00.008-05:00

One of the more depressing posts I made was last January 13th titled Eight Words. I wrote it during the dead of winter after a horrible week in between one surgery and the start of chemotherapy. But my last two sentences of that post is what I am reminded of after Pam surprised me by wanting to attend a grown-up dress-up party last Saturday night. Surprised is too mild a word. Shocked is more like it. Pam stepped way out of character for a regular year, but way WAY out for a year like she has had.

So, at great risk to myself, I am going to post a few pics from Saturday. Hope you got to this update soon, because I have a feeling these pics won't be on here for long.

Like I said on January 13th...hubba, hubba.

Oooohhhhh noooooooo!!!!! You are too late to see the pics! They were so hot they were melting motherboards. Soooooo sooooorrrrryyyy. But I will leave the post with a little visual.

Life Goes On

2009-10-13T20:52:00.025-05:00

Pam is fast approaching her five year anniversary (Oct. 19th) of finding her first lumps of cancer. Every stage of this journey has had moments of terror, joy, fear, understanding, confusion, excitement, pain, peace, panic, relief, concern...basically, but especially at a time like now, it keeps her down. Keeps her in (going for doctors appointments and medical tests don't count as getting out). You just don't see her out much right now, a very complicated time for her, dealing with the events of this past year on top of the events of the previous four.

Everyone has hard times. A friend just lost her young mother. A friend is really struggling with his cancer. Two friends miss their husbands who died too soon. Pam isn't alone in going through difficult times, but difficult times make you sooooo lonely. In recent weeks Pam has suffered shared losses with her grandmother's passing as well as a very good friend, Dan Swille. Dan died a couple weeks ago. Most people didn't know the Dan Pam knew. He was so kind to her. We have a little friend facing a major surgery in her battle with cancer right now. Two doors down the pediatric hall from her you'll find our 13 month old nephew, struggling with the unknown. For someone physically and emotionally drained, it almost is too much. But, life goes on.

On a regular evening, Pam will be in her PJs by 6pm. Really. Not that she actually is able to sleep, but she is always ready. Kind of eliminates a lot of our nighttime social options. Yesterday evening our doorbell rang (a rare event, quite exciting). It was Ashley, one of Pam's former students, with an invitation and a gift for her. I called peejayed Pam to the door and Ashley surprised her with a warm invite to her volleyball game this evening (Tuesday). The gift for Pam was a pink Volley for the Cure shirt. The IVC vs. Princeton game tonight was being played with a secondary motive to winning, raising money for breast cancer research. The gym was packed with hundreds of people, the majority in pink. The players wore pink. The ball was pink. The umpires... referees... judges... whatever you call them in volleyball, wore pink shirts and blew pink whistles. They even recognized those in the crowd who have battled breast cancer. And to our surprise, of the hundreds there, I only noticed two stand. I don't know why that surprised me. It was quite an exciting evening. A nice distraction.

Like I said, life goes on despite all of the trials, physical and emotional. It is thrilling when Pam gets an unexpected lift like Ashley's invite last night which actually resulted in Pam getting out tonight to see some of that "life going on." Or the lift that was delivered last Friday night, or even today with some special connection time. Takes the pressure off of our kids, the ultimate encouragers, always finding a way to cheer their mom up, whether they realize it or not. Life is really hard, sometimes you have to look equally as hard to find the bright spots.

James 4:9

having it good (or at least better)

2009-09-28T19:06:00.006-05:00

I have lost track of time, but I believe it was two years ago that I was at The Leadership Summit when Richard Curtis was being interviewed. He showed a video clip he filmed while in India. It has always stuck with me and I finally found a copy of it that I can share. We find ourselves living quite a few blocks off Easy Street when we consider Pam's/our struggles these days, but we know we are still blessed. Be thankful.

Looks

2009-09-15T11:40:00.006-05:00

Pam ventures out to ballgames. Sometimes she makes it to the store. She made it to church two weeks in a row. She smiles and greets everyone she sees. She is trying.

She made it to Miami and back last week, happy she was able to honor her grandma and relieved that her suffering was over.

She is grateful to all who encouraged her last week. You are so appreciated.

Pam toils with medical issues each day. Recent days have brought concerns and worries, but you wouldn't know it, she hides it well. She presses on.

Looks...can be deceiving.

Mary Hunter obituary

2009-09-09T11:46:00.003-05:00

Mary Kay Williams Morris Potter Hunter

HUNTER, MARY KAY WILLIAMS MORRIS POTTER, 97 years and 3 months, passed away September 5, 2009, leaving her family and friends with an abundance of memories and love. Mary Kay, born in Bicknell, Indiana on June 5, 1912, came to Florida to live with her beloved sister Nellie and to pursue her education. She graduated in 1930 from Homestead High School and in 1935 from Florida State College for Women (now Florida State University), where she was a member of the 13th graduating class of this university. Prior to her retirement, she was an elementary school teacher for 30 years in Homestead, Little River and Greynolds Park. She enjoyed playing bridge with her many friends and was a sports fan, diplomatically dividing her loyalty between the FSU Seminoles and the Florida Gators in order to humor all members of her immediate family. Noted for her generosity and desire to serve her community, she volunteered as a Pink Lady at North Shore Hospital, and was a member of Alpha Delta Kappa, an international honorary organization of women educators dedicated to educational excellence, altruism and world understanding, the Philanthropic Educational Organization (P.E.O. International Sisterhood), a philanthropic organization where women celebrate the advancement of women, as well as an active member of Miami Shores Presbyterian Church and the Miami Shores Country Club. She was also a member and past president of the Miami Shores Friendly Villagers, Miami Shores Woman's Club and Miami Shores Garden Club. An avid traveler, she recounted to children, grandchildren and great grandchildren her many exciting experiences including visiting many national parks in the United States as well as honeymooning in Havana, Cuba, seeing volcanoes in Hawaii, cruising through fjords and seeing the northern lights in Norway with her beloved sister Mabel, ferrying from Sweden to Denmark, visiting castles in England and spending Oktoberfest in Germany. Mary was preceded in death by her parents Edward Williams and Marget Davidson, sisters Nellie and Marguerite, brothers James, Charles Edward and Paul, and husbands William Emory Morris, Sr. and C. L. Potter. She is survived by sister Mabel Fisk, sons William Emory Morris, Jr. (Flora Sue) and Charles Edward Morris (Fulvia), grandchildren Pamela Kay Lingenfelter (Rick), William Emory Morris, III, Charles Edward Morris, Jr. (Laurie) and Melissa Christina Morris Howard (Doug), great grandchildren Josh and Erin, and niece Mary Margaret Caldwell. Special thanks for the loving care given her by her wonderful caregivers Romela, Willie and Beebee. She will be remembered and missed, not only by her family, but many who knew her and shared her life. Funeral Services will be 10:30 a.m. Wednesday, September 9th (today) at Stanfill Funeral Home followed by graveside services at Southern Memorial Park, North Miami.

Stanfill Funeral Home 10545 S Dixie (305)667-2518 Family Owned/Operated www.stanfillfh.com To visit this Guest Book Online, go to www.MiamiHerald.com/obituaries.

Published in The Miami Herald on September 9, 2009

Until Heaven

2009-09-06T07:35:00.005-05:00

Goodbye Grandma...Nonnie...Mary

6/5/1912 - 9/5/2009

Thanks for prayers for Pam as she will travel to Miami this week for her Grandma's funeral.

Prayers for her sons Emory and Edward as they say goodbye to their mother.

Doings

2009-09-02T11:43:00.016-05:00

Pam is doing fair these days. Good days. Bad days. She buckled down and started the anti-hormone drug. Verdict is still out on how that will go. She is recovering nicely from the radiation and most recently the removal of her Power Port. She was not sad to see that go. Fatigue is constant and her nose drips blood* a lot, she would testify that these things are somehow getting worse. Basically, she doesn't feel bad all the time, but she doesn't feel all that great ever either (that sentence ended oddly).

Yesterday we received the news that her 97 year old grandma, Mary, has really taken a turn for the worse. Not doing well. She spent the first 91 years of her life in very good health (she kind of skated through two rounds of breast cancer in 1962/1982), nothing really ever slowed her down. But the past several years have been really hard. So if you are reading this right now, I ask you to pray for her for comfort and peace. Thanks.

These pictures of Pam and the kids with Nonnie are from Melissa's wedding in Coral Gables on 12/30/06.

Here is Pam, Josh and Erin with her on our last visit to Miami in June of 2008. And if you can't tell by the photo, we took her (technically she thinks she took us) to Red Lobster to eat on this day, it has always been one of her favorites. We realize there are better seafood restaurants in Miami (or are there?) but that is one place she loves.

* Pam has been told to take the tamoxifan every other day from now on. The bleeding could indicate thrombocytonpenia...one of the lovely side effects advertised with this drug. She has a week to see if it slows down or stops. The only time it is good to have thrombocytonpenia is when you are playing scrabble. That word is worth about 3,000 points!

A wise Shrek once said...

2009-08-20T10:00:00.019-05:00

"Better out than in..."

Now Shrek may have been talking about something other than a Power Port, but it still applies, sort of. Pam is scheduled to be in the ambulatory/surgical unit at Methodist Hospital tomorrow morning to have her port removed. That port has been part of a combination of outward symbols of Pam's ongoing fight with this cancer. It is rarely used now and despite the $23,000+ it cost to have it put in (yes, you read that right) it is coming out. Hopefully there won't be a need to have this "lump" put back in. Pam's goal is to be lump-free from now on.

Speaking of lumps, back in January, post cancer surgery/pre-chemotherapy, Pam found a few more small lumps that concerned her. The plan was to watch them through chemo and radiation. She did. No change during chemo, growing or shrinking, and it was thought that perhaps they were scar tissue. Radiation finished a couple of weeks ago and Pam noticed something. Actually she didn't notice something. SomethingS. The lumps disappeared with the radiation. So what were they? Don't know, but they are gone.

So here we are in August. Pam spent the summer in low key mode, doing treatments, going to the occasional baseball game, not much else. The day to start the anti-hormone therapy has come and gone, still in deliberations on that one (with herself). She wants to feel well for the first time in a long time. She wants to feel like she felt a year ago when she helped with Erin's cheerleading team and ruled the chain gang every Saturday, be it at home or away games. (On a side note, she is mildly bummed that Erin isn't cheering and Josh isn't playing football this year, rather he is playing baseball for his school team, meaning she is out of a job.)

Our kids survived the summer quite well. Erin had a hard time determining which day of each week was her favorite. She eventually admitted it was Monday at the Bergen's enjoying time with all the other kids there and the pool. A sheepish admittal from Josh came a couple of weeks ago as he and I talked about our vacationless summer. His words, "I know it was a hard for mom, but I had a great summer." Pam didn't mind, that was the goal. Our kids tend to be overly penalized because of cancer, and it is nice to know they didn't feel so this time. It took a great deal of effort and a lot of help, but it was worth it. Everyone has problems/issues. It is hard enough for kids to be kids these days. Double hard when they have to carry their parents problems around.

So we will carry on and pray for the best as Pam begins (maybe) the next treatment phase that will present new and interesting challenges.

Rom. 12:18

radiation completion

2009-08-04T15:46:00.008-05:00

Pam finished radiation last Friday afternoon. She did so with a bit of mixed emotions. Complicated. But it is done. The schedule for the next few weeks will be much lighter for her. She will have a chance to catch up on some rest, a chance to create new and more satisfying routines. Her goal is to build herself up to a healthier place before she begins hormone therapy. She can do it.

It was almost 24 hours exactly after her last treatment that she met up with our Chillicothe St. Jude Runs team and ran the 1.3 miles through town. 1.3 miles is a far cry from the 21 she ran on Saturday a year ago, but a huge victory for her this year. The event is about raising money for kids with cancer and for the past 5 years has been her thing. The thought of not participating the day of the event was a tough one and she is happy she was able to run a bit, raise a lot and join in with the team at the telethon Saturday night.

Thank you for being with her both in prayer and in person as she has battled every day of this year. The struggles will continue, we accept that. We take things one day at a time and that is OK.

Pam's Back

2009-07-23T14:37:00.005-05:00

Literally, this is Pam's back (walking through the hospital parking deck leaving today's treatment).
You can kind of see that the left side of her back is darker, kind of red. The burn from the radiation has been significant, some on the back, more on her chest and a ton under her arm. At this point though, the four field burn has ended so those areas will get to heal. The only area still being radiated are her scars on the front. So let the healing begin.

Radiation (substantial amount, but not an overdose) surprised Pam by how tiring it has been. Last week she hit a wall and had a horrible week. This week is much better, probably because she is three days into a lesser treatment. Right now she only has six more treatments, the last will be on Fri. July 31st.

It has been a trudge, but she is ok. Just like we figured, the treatments pretty much ruled Pam's summer.

The next step is hormone therapy, tamoxifen to be specific. The idea of starting it is really a bummer for her and she is wanting to delay it if she can. Subjecting herself to another toxin that is sure to come with more side effects is really not something she wants to do right now. We will see what happens.

More to come.

C323

There are positives

2009-07-09T16:24:00.014-05:00

So Pam had cancer. She thought she beat it and it came back. Negative/negative. Our lives were changed. We as a family went from dull & boring to sick & dull & boring. Cancer has had a huge impact on pretty much every facet of our lives, so many negatives, yet there are positives.

This recurrence was horrible to discover. With it came some serious and justified fears. Ask any cancer patient and they will vouch for how difficult this disease and its treatments can be. Pam didn't look forward to more surgeries and treatments not just for herself, but for all of us.

Pam hit the halfway point of the radiation this week and during her exam with her radiation oncologist (this afternoon), he said she is fit to press on. This summer was really Pam's concern. Chemotherapy during the spring was easier than the first time and was nicely hidden during school hours when it didn't directly affect Josh and Erin. But during the summer, Pam knew it was going to be tough to keep the kids lives normal while devoting several hours each day to going to the hospital for the radiation. What happened was an unexpected positive.

While Pam has trekked to Peoria each day, our kids have been taken in by friends. A play date of sorts nearly every day of the summer. Our kids are very comfy and secure at home and actually some days it is tough for them, Erin especially, to go somewhere. But each day she returns having had a great few hours of connecting with old friends and new. Our fears of this being the summer of misery, unfun in every way for our kids, have been dashed. Pam isn't up for making every baseball game Josh plays in (his schedule was greatly expanded over last years 20 games to about 3 times that), but she has been able to enjoy many thanks to some cooler weather. Erin has gotten to the pool enough times so far to not miss it (thanks in large part to the Bergens and their cement pond).

We have a lot of people who have been so helpful each week. The Bergen, Endres, Waller and Crose families have locked in days to keep the kids. The Boomers and L's fill in the gaps often, as well as many others, like the Benson and Jackson families. (If I didn't mention you by name, just wait, it's probably because I am planning to mention you in a later post along with an embarrassing photo.) You don't know how much concern you have removed from our minds as Pam disappears to the hospital each day.

Thanks for bringing out the positives we didn't think existed.

"And He took the children in His arms, put His hands on them and blessed them." Mark 10:16

At the risk of sounding depressing...

2009-06-29T15:39:00.011-05:00

15 down, 22 radiation treatments to go. Everyday, the same thing. The fifteen minute procedure takes the entire morning when you consider the drive there and back and the little bit of waiting. The fatigue that was advertised to go with the radiation has set in. Pam is finding it harder and harder to do things. She never really regained any energy after chemo in the first place. Blah, blah, blah, yada, yada, yada, yada.

In the past couple of weeks, besides the daily treatment ritual, Pam has done a few other things in a limited sense. She made it to the Relay for Life in Chillicothe, barely. The survivors march started a few minutes early and we arrived as they were lining up. She made her lap in non-record time, losing to all but about two of the other survivors. It is like she didn't even try to beat any of them around the track. I was tempted to yell "DIG, USE YOUR ARMS, NOW!" but I realized I wasn't actually supposed to coach her and it wasn't really a race (although I do think she could have done pretty well, there were only a few people younger than her running in the race...I mean walking the survivors lap). It was a nice evening. Pam isn't usually a big Relayer, not sure why. She is more motivated to do the St. Jude events. I suppose it's because she doesn't want the attention.

Our anniversary was one week ago. We celebrated it at Josh's baseball game. The week prior we had gone to a movie, so we called it good. We were married in 1991, that was last century. But as much as things have changed since then, a lot of the things have stayed the same. On our wedding night we stayed in the bridal suite at Jumer's in Peoria. We were there only a few minutes when Pam asked if I wanted to order Domino's. Pam has pretty much survived off of pizza ever since. It is the one food she has always maintained a taste for. We were crazy healthy people then and when we said our traditional vows of "in sickness and in health," I have to tell you, I never figured we would be dealing with "in sickness" when I said it. Two days after the wedding we were driving to Miami. I humbled myself and admitted to Pam that I was too tired to drive at one point. So she took over. I awoke when my body sensed the car slowing. My eyes opened and focused on the speedometer needle that was dropping, yet hadn't hit 90 mph yet. I have no idea how high it had gone. Like I said, some things never change. Things are difficult these days, but we will get through, firm in the same faith in God we had back then when George Bush was president (the first one).

Pam is missing her favorite season right now. She can't really enjoy being out in the heat. That is tough for her, she LOVES summer. The chemo drug Taxol has continued to work as she is in the process of losing all of her fingernails. Her hair is beginning to return, kind of blond (last time after chemo it came back almost black). She is hoping her eyebrows and eyelashes come back soon. Still some blood in her nose from the Avastin. Her doctors said her power-port could come out anytime, but they recommend she keep it in for a little longer, just in case. She opted out of the permanent tattoo markings for the radiation, not wanting another lifelong reminder of all of this, so she has large X's drawn with Sharpie's and covered with clear plastic adhesive disks on her torso for the duration (they are used to line up the lasers that define the radiation field...pretty important). If you really asked her she would tell you she just wants to be normal again. The fun of being the cancer patient has worn thin.

The fatigue is doing her in and starting this week she is getting rides to radiation. It is wonderful to have a community of friends willing to help. She/we couldn't get through this without you all.

"But you dear friends, build yourselves up in your most holy faith and pray in the Holy Spirit." Jude 20

The machines are getting bigger

2009-06-09T15:42:00.008-05:00

It began today, radiation therapy. #1 of 37. Every weekday until July 30th, maybe later if any days are missed. It is going to be a monotonous long summer to say the least. Pam isn't really looking forward to it. Treatments are being done in the hospital, and the hospital is just a little bit more cold, a little too full of people, a little less private. But she has to do it.

This time in between chemo and radiation, prompted Pam to do more research before beginning this new chapter (she has never had radiation before). And when you research cancer, especially recurrent cancer, you find a lot of stuff that just isn't very uplifting. Pam shared with me this passage from breast cancer guru Dr. Susan Love (scroll down to Local Recurrence After Mastectomy). See what I mean? But she will remain upbeat and positive. She will. Her faith is not wavering.

The radiation folks, Bob and his dark haired young friend (whose name I forgot of course) do their best to keep Pam comfy and informed. They know their equipment and procedures well. The plan for Pam is well thought out and meticulously detailed. I was given a total play-by-play of each move they made, and I was even allowed to watch a monitor in the control booth, safe behind an 8 inch thick door that separated Pam from us. The radiation comes from four different angles, three from the sides, glancing blows trying to minimize hitting vital organs like the lungs, heart and esophagus. Then a shot from under the table through her shoulder to hit the lymph node area. Very interesting. Too bad it is Pam who is the subject of this all.

There will be more to come. Thanks for the prayers.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jer. 29:11

radiation overdosing

2009-06-04T22:46:00.004-05:00

Pam got a call today from the radiation oncologist. The mapping and planning for her radiation therapy is complete. She will have a run through, and get a tatoo, or two, next Monday, wooo-whooo.

The schedule includes 37 doses of radiation, daily, with the weekends and July 3rd off. Finish date should be around July 30th. That totals 7.5 weeks. This summer will officially stink. But you have to do what you have to do.

Her treatments will be performed at Methodist Hospital at 10:15am each day. Methodist is ordinarily an easy 20 min. drive from our house, but with a timely highway construction project that began June 1st, the drive time is likely to far exceed the norm.

37 doses came as a bit of a surprise. We both thought 30 was the number. Kind of concerning for a husband who grew up in the 70's. I know one problem overdosing on radiation can cause, and it isn't pretty. Pray.

delayed reactions

2009-05-27T21:40:00.008-05:00

The two weeks that have passed since the last chemotherapy have been about the worst two week span since the start of it in February. Avastin, the metastatic cancer drug, went down pretty easy, but the side effects continue. That bleeding problem that has been around since the start has gotten worse in the past couple of weeks. Some of the other avastin side effects are even less glamorous and have worsened post chemo also. Taxol didn't stop giving either, as the neuropathy it caused that landed between her ears finally reached her fingers as well, making simple tasks nearly impossible. The list of effects is really quite extensive right now, but I won't bore you with them. It has all resulted in Pam making just a few rare appearances outside the house recently.

So when a rather beat up feeling Pam met with the radiation oncologist a week ago and he said "let's start the radiation right away," it was almost more than Pam could take. Nothing like kicking someone when they are down. She originally believed there would be at least a month between chemo and radiation. Yesterday she had to report to the hospital for her radiation simulation. That is the procedure when the quadrant to be radiated is measured and marked using lasers. A CT scan was performed that will be used to map the area so that the least amount of radiation possible will hit her lung, heart and throat. That mapping is being done now and is expected to be complete next week. That will be the green light for the 6.5 to 7.5 weeks (originally it was 6, but seems to be rising) of radiation to begin. Pam made a mercy plea and asked if the beginning can be delayed. Her doctor agreed without hesitation, so Pam bought herself an extra week to regain some strength and hopefully put some of the chemo side effects behind her.

Most people see Pam and notice the obvious. She is a very attractive woman. Even during this chemo and I am sure through the radiation as well. But she doesn't feel attractive and to a woman that hurts. But it's all in her head. Proof...she was recently asked to model some hats with her friend Gina. Marigold was started with the specific goal of creating caps to adorn the heads of women being treated for breast cancer. Gina was the original inspiration and the hats are becoming a modest fashion hit I hear. When you click on the word Marigold you'll see the back of Pam's head on the third pic of the slideshow. Click on the collection tab to see the great photos of her and Gina (and Callie, Aliesha, and the rest). I am grateful for this photographic proof that she isn't the sad looking cancer patient she fears she has become. Thank you Callie for asking Pam to be a part.

Our dear friend Don Bowen received news just yesterday that his brain tumor has begun to grow again. Whether you know Don or not, I will ask for you to pray for him.

The Lingenfelter family fun summer plans for 2009 have changed greatly from 2008. Our regular trip to St. Cloud and Miami will be replaced by daily trips to the radiation wing of Methodist Hospital. Pam has tabled the thought of her 5th consecutive year of running the St. Jude run, although we will still be raising and participating in other ways (I may run, emphasis on "may"...I am actually carrying all the weight Pam's mind has convinced her she has gained).

Josh will go to camp in Michigan for a week and Erin has a camping trip of her own planned. Pam and I may rent a movie sometime in June and if we put it in the DVD player early enough, I will stay up with Pam to watch the entire thing. So, plans have changed, but remain exciting nonetheless.

Thanks for staying with us on this journey. More about radiation to come.

Enough!

2009-05-15T12:53:00.011-05:00

...who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the sufferings of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 2 Corinthians 1:4-6 NIV

Enough. Pam did it. I had my doubts at the beginning that she would make it, mostly due to her history of over-reacting to each and every drug thrown at her, but she did it. She finished the complete chemotherapy regimen. It wasn't easy and although we are looking back now, it doesn't seem as though time flew. The past 6 months have crept. The next six probably will too. But, step two (the two surgeries can be called #1) is done. A huge thank you to all of you who have supported her, prayed for her and encouraged her.

Last Wednesday went very well. I was supposed to be booked with field trip duties so Pam's folks delivered her to the cancer center. Sheri kept Pam company and watched for reactions. Rachel and Gina showed up to acknowledge the finish. Then they treated Pam to a celebration lunch with even more friends (or was it just Tanya added in? Leesa? idk) It was such a better ending than four years ago when chemo had her stranded in the hospital. So much better.

Pam is tired. Physically the chemo did it's trick. She longs for the strength and energy to run and exercise like last year. Her memory is hit and miss and strangely enough she seems to have pretty sharp long term memories, but the short-term just isn't all that reliable. The blood in her nose has stuck around. Her eyebrows are racing her eyelashes to the floor, giving her the complete cancer patient look she detests. But it's all good. A Porsche without paint is still a beautiful and fantastic car. Amazing Grace is an awesome song even when performed without instruments, maybe even better.

And now, rest for a few weeks, maybe a month or so, then radiation. Pam isn't planning on it being a picnic. The left half of her torso, hip to shoulder to sternum and down again will be nuked. She is guaranteed it will burn and some physical changes are likely. Her love of hot weather is going to be tempered this summer with discomfort, but it is all part of the long term plan of overcoming this cancer. Prayers will continue to be welcomed.

Her blog will continue to let you know how she is progressing. You can have fun watching the hair return (pray with me that it comes in brown with blond highlights, a financial prayer of sorts). I will keep the blog updated as information seems interesting or prayers are needed.

You may wonder why Pam took this pic of Rachel and Sheri in the cancer center in such an odd pose. Respecting the other patients seated all around, Pam was talking quietly to them. Seems both Rachel and Sheri each have hearing problems in at least one ear, Rachel's left, Sheri's right. So they had turned their heads to hear Pam's words better and Pam couldn't resist capturing the moment.

Race for the Cure 2009 A Pictorial

2009-05-09T11:41:00.044-05:00

This is the post where the photos will do most of the talking. Sadly, on many of them I had pushed a button on my camera one too many times and I ended up with a bunch of artsy over exposed shots. Missed perfection again, happens every day.

Our team of 4 set out for the race just like every other year. The usual get up early, get this over. But things changed quickly as Pam marched with the other survivors in the rear of the pack near, but in front of the newbies. To Pam's surprise she spotted a group of loud shirts proclaiming "Pam's Posse." Even I, blogmaster, was out of the loop on this one. And the surprise was priceless. Some tears flowed and a hugging festival ensued and all was well. 20,000 or so walked, surrounding the few hundred survivors. The posse numbered around 30.

Shortly into the 5K, an older lady took a spill due to a pothole. Our Erin saw it all as she was directly behind her. Pam heard the thud of her head on the pavement. My first reaction when someone goes down is to yell "STEPHANIE" (Elder...that's who I yelled for when the ladies leg exploded next to me during the St. Jude Run 07 and it worked fantastically). But she was out of sight. Instead, "NURSE" worked just fine, getting Sheri Bryne and Lisa Benson out of the posse double-time. While I called 911 they got her vitals and worked on the bleeding. Susan gathered the posse together and they prayed.

****UPDATE 5/10/09****A SMALL PART OF THIS MOMENT REGARDING THE FALL OF FANNY MCCOY WAS NOTED IN THE PEORIA JOURNAL STAR. http://www.pjstar.com/raceforthecure/x114619092/Magical-emotions-at-Race-for-the-Cure

When it was all said and done, Pam's Posse ended up being near the end of the 20,000. A not-so-brief bathroom stop and our team was solidly bringing up the rear. A memory to add to the memories.

We crossed the finish line with cheers from our group. 1 hour and 41 minutes to go three miles. That has to be a record of some sort.

Pam rounded out the morning by visiting with Dr. Mammolito, again. She also had a little chat with ace Peoria Journal Star investigative reporter, Terry Bibo.

This was a good morning. Thanks to all.

Ribbon Irony

2009-05-07T11:58:00.009-05:00

This is the pink week. Watch MLB this week and you'll see pink ribbons, shirts, hats & bats. We look around and see pink ribbons all over the place right now. This Saturday Pam will be heading off to the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure as a survivor for the 5th straight year. In 05 she looked the part, no hair, frail, and weakened by the treatment she had just finished, but managed to walk a mile. In 06, not so much the look, but still not even close to 100%. In 07 and 08 she made people wonder..."You're a survivor? You had breast cancer?" but still she walked just the mile. Here we are in 09 and the race is sandwiched between chemo treatment #11 and #12. She returns to the race as a survivor with an asterisk, a recurrent patient in the middle of treatment. Last August 2nd, the day she ran 21 miles for St. Jude kids, her thoughts were of running the competitive 5K at the Race for the Cure in 09. She had worked so hard to be a "runner." When she decided to undergo chemo again this year, and when she received the schedule of treatments, she knew she would miss the Race entirely. Chemo would put an end to her streak of participating.

But with a very well planned and executed therapy protocol, the encouragement of friends who have kept her walking some each week, and a huge desire by her to keep things as normal and positive as possible for our kids, Pam plans on not only attending, but walking the entire 5K. So our little team of 4 will set out early Saturday morning and join the pink crowd. The numbers are expected to exceed 25,000 and they hope to raise at least $1.1 million. It is sure to be a hugging cryfest. See you there?

Wednesday Pam had her 11th treatment. It went well. Gina delivered Pam's Marigold hats (one pink/one black). The normal reactions to the chemo set in eventually, nothing major. She came home and rested. The day before she attended the Peoria County Jr. High track meet in Farmington. Our Josh is in the 6th grade but competes as a 7th grader with several of his friends at Chillicothe Elementary Center. At this meet he competed in three events, the last being the 800m run. He was running in 8th place for most of the race. With about 50 meters to go he passed two people, placing him in 6th. While 1st thru 8th place scores for your team in the meet, ribbons are only awarded through 6th place. At practice yesterday he received his ribbon for the 800m, brought it home and left it on the table. Sometime last evening Pam noticed it and couldn't miss the irony. I suppose everyone knows that 1st place ribbons are blue and 2nd is red. Fewer people know that 3rd is white and 4th is yellow. Even fewer realize that 5th is green and 6th...pink. Quite appropriate for Josh to bring home a pink ribbon this week.

Heb. 12:1 ...and let us run with perserverance the race marked out for us.

Some goodish news

2009-05-01T10:02:00.011-05:00

Last week, Pam's off week from treatment, she went in for a PET/CT of her chest. The results were delivered to us prior to her 10th of 12 treatments on Wednesday of this week. Dr. Veeder entered with the words "I actually have some good news for you." That's a switch. Previously he has resigned himself to statements such as "...while it isn't good news, it could be much worse..." or "...guarded..." or "...cautiously optimistic..."

The scans didn't light up any cancer cells. In particular the lumps that we have been watching that Pam discovered post-surgery didn't react as cancerous tumors. This is good news. This doesn't mean that we disregard their presence (as I recall only one of the three tumors removed last December actually lit up during these same scans...so we'll keep an eye on them) but good news is always welcome.

During the past couple of weeks Pam has focused on just getting rest. At this point in treatment she is extremely run down. She budgets her energy with the goal of getting some exercise each day (walking with the girls), dance class for Erin and picking her up from school, making it to track meets for Josh (thanks to my niece Kayleigh), and church. Fun comes in little doses. A couple weeks ago we made it to a reception thrown by Kenny for his wife Gina, a one year breast cancer survivor. Kenny knows how to throw a party. Helps when you have that many friends and the room (The Lariat Club) as well. Gina has been such an encouragement for Pam and it was wonderful to celebrate with her/them. It was also a rare moment when I got to hang out with other husbands who find themselves in the care giving role. It was me, Kenny and the Sally(ies) husbands. You could tell who we were by the tired and confused looks on our faces. Speaking of caregivers, I have had the pleasure of bumping into Angie a couple of times within the past two weeks. She amazes me with her strength and smile. Click her name to see her story, and please pray for her and her boys. I am pretty confident that the majority of people reading Pam's blog are women, so Angie's current post shouldn't shock you too much.

Darbi and Kim took Pam to the major sponsors dinner for the Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure last week. She had a great time and got to connect with her surgeon (Dr. Mam m olito) for the second straight week in a row (she was also at Gina's reception...everyone was at Gina's reception...seriously). She also reconnected with some of the women she used to teach with at Mossville Grade School. You won't be seeing any pics from the most recent treatment Pam went to. Her guests for the day wouldn't even agree to blue dot photos for the blog. I thank Thing 1 and Thing 2 for all your help on Wednesday.

Since this post contained some pretty good news, I don't feel so bad attaching the video below. Nothing wrong with having some fun and sharing it. The challenge I issued (which I got from professional challenger Rick Bryne) was simple...eat three saltine crackers in 30 seconds. I feel I must protect these guys identities by not using their actual names, so let's just say that both Mr. Gergen and Mr. Cross failed the challenge, but gave us all a good and much needed laugh. Their manly overconfidence disappeared within seconds of the start.

Joshua 24:15 ...But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.

We are strong...tired, but strong

2009-04-17T05:51:00.016-05:00

How bad are things in your family when you get to be an example of how God, through His power, can carry you through life? We are the sad family I suppose. We were part of the Easter program at Northwoods Community Church last weekend. Being in the program wasn't so easy for Pam, although she made it look so. Our family message was simply spelled out on the two sides of our signs. A wonderful non-speaking role for us, and our hope was simply to encourage others with our story of what this world has dealt us and of how God has stepped in and kept us strong. We were encouraged by the other 20 messages, from shared cancer battles to direct struggles with God and/or religion to simply striving to know Him better. The weekend wore us out and lifted us up all at the same time. We sincerely thank God for all he does for us.

Pam, ever the slave to fashion, was forced to throw on her Asics to manage the many trips up and down the backstage staircase. Her love of expensive and fashionable shoes (which she had to find fellow shoe connoisseur Rachel to show) conflicted a bit with the mainstage schedule of practice several times, then add in several more practices followed by a few more to keep things sharp. She had a backstage chair to rest as well. What you can't see on her smiling face is how little rest/sleep she actually gets these days. One of the major effects of the chemotherapy. Most days I see her at 4AMish, still awake from the previous day as I am awaking for the current one. Her mind will let her body sleep for a few restless hours and then she pushes herself to walk with a friend or two, or get to her doctors appointment or make the march to the cancer center for treatment. It's not the ideal life, there probably won't be a funny and uplifting sitcom modeled after it, but it is her life right now. Here is our friend Stephanie, still sporting her hair a couple weeks after her first chemo treatment while working at church with the kids and volunteers last weekend. These two are painting the wrong picture of cancer with their smiles. Or is it the right picture? There were no pics or funny stories from treatment last Wednesday. A rough day there for Pam. It was crowded once again and too noisy for Pam to rest and it was just a matter of getting through and getting home.

As I (not the patient, but quite involved) see it, going through cancer treatment is like: driving home to IL from FL after your vacation. You were all geared up to drive there, but the drive home, while necessary, just stinks and takes forever and exhausts you. Or: you take your wife to an early season Cubs game and it goes into extra innings, and it starts to get dark, and the wind that made her cold before, has her freezing, and the guy in front of you is smoking a cigar, and the game you were all amped up to go to is now the game you just want to end, and finally in the 14th inning you just leave, and then in the 15th the Cubs win. Or: you start a home repair and it snowballs and takes too much time and money and energy, and you just want it done. Treatment is just that awful time between the adrenaline of the beginning and the satisfaction of the end. A couple hours of sleep some days. Headaches that won't relent. Opportunities passed that the lack of energy prevents participation in. ***all that said, this treatment has been far, way far more tolerable than the first time, not complaining, just describing***

So I pray for energy, for sleep and rest, for healing. I thank God for friends and family and good doctors and nurses and medicine. I also thank Him for guiding us through this and gifting us as we go with memories and experiences we wouldn't have had otherwise.

random pod closures

2009-04-08T11:05:00.007-05:00

You would think cancer treatment centers might be immune from the economic downturn. Think again. There are three treatment pods and each is being closed about 2 days a week now, too few patients. It would be wonderful to think there is just less cancer suddenly, but the reality might be that people are putting off treatments or just not going to the doctor entirely. Don't know, just dishing out my thoughts.

Pam marched herself in for another Wednesday treatment. It's beautiful outside today, warm and sunny. The sun even managed to shower down around Pam inside the building as she checked in for her labwork. Now she is sleeping, taking her meds, inching her way closer to being done with chemo. This is the first treatment day that our kids have not been in school. They caught a fantastic break as the Benson's took them both last night and through today. It's a sure thing they are having a great time, and that really helps Pam rest. It's tough for Pam to think of what goes through our kids minds as she fights this cancer. How afraid are they? What are they thinking? We don't really know.

Our kids haven't been sick this year. Josh hasn't been sick in a couple of years, something he is quite proud of. It's really good timing for them to be healthy as Pam needs to avoid germs as much as possible. Last Saturday, Pam took Erin home from church early, she wasn't feeling well at all. By the time they reached home she had a fever and soon threw up. Uh-oh. Josh wasn't feeling well either, but had milder symptoms. Erin rebounded quite quickly and by Monday seemed well. Yesterday, before the dropoff at the Benson house, Pam wanted to be sure Erin was well enough to stay (didn't want to spread anything to her awesome Chinese host family), so she took her to the doctor. Kids doctors offices are germ factories, so Pam suited up appropriately. I doubt anyone noticed as she took her self portrait with her phone. Pam can pull off any style. Oh man, thinking of that reminds me I need to get to Dick's to pick out my Easter outfit. I'm the only one not ready.

Ruthie encouraged us with this passage this week. Yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvation. The Lord God is my strength, and He will make my feet like hinds' feet, and He will make me to walk upon mine high places. To the chief singer on my stringed instruments. Hab. 3:18-19

3 tries, guess her weight

2009-04-02T12:56:00.009-05:00

IN THE DIGITAL WORLD, ALL CAPS IS CONSIDERED YELLING. WELL, WE DON'T have to yell at Pam quite as much for her to hear things this week. Her two weeks off from treatment helped her regain some hearing. The ringing is still there, but the muffled sounds in the left ear are far better. She met with the audiologist this week to get a baseline established and her hearing will be checked prior to each treatment now. Overall she was just relieved that it seems to have gotten better as she got farther away from the last treatment.

Ask Pam what the worst part of going to her treatment is and you might be surprised...the weigh in. Yep. A rather disgruntled Pam got on the scale for the nurse yesterday and didn't like the results. (10 more lbs. and she might be at a normal weight, YIKES!) Next her blood pressure was taken and then Pam asked if she could disrobe a bit and re-weigh. I figure getting on the scale is one of the few free things in the building, so I was all for it. She managed to drop a couple pounds, but I could see she still wasn't satisfied. The nurse lead us to Pam's room to await the doctor. While there she realized that using the restroom might help to lower her weight some more. So she peeled off her excess clothing, hit the bathroom and popped out to weigh herself again. So in all she dropped about 3 lbs. from first weight to third. It was an entertaining moment for the nurses.

Pam's blood numbers were again solid and her exam went ok, so she was given the go on the start of her third cycle of four (treatment 7 of 12). She has offically passed the halfway point of chemo and it has really gone well. In three weeks some tests will be performed to judge better the effectiveness of these treatments. The actual treatment went smoothly. Nothing to note. Pam settled in and tried to do a little journaling. She sent just a few of her strange texts and made one call to our friend Stephanie who is probably just finishing her first dose of chemo as I type today. Join us in prayer for her. She has joined the ranks of breast cancer patient just recently. The journal you see Pam writing in is just full of people to pray for. She adds names regularly. Her "retired" lifestyle enables her to have more time to pray for others, one of the few positives of her cancer experience. Praying, a little walking, brief appearances at dance class or track meets, a couple hours at church...that's about all Pam has the energy for these days.

Another plus was being able to attend the FCA luncheon on Monday together. Our host was our friend Kathy Arkwell and it was a solid good time. AZ Cardinals QB Kurt Warner was the speaker. He has a great speaking style and plenty of material (non-football) with 7 kids, ages 3-19. The jist was simple. We are all motivated by something, whether it be money, food, fame, etc. So whatever we strive for, strive for excellence. So if money is your motivation, go for it in an excellent way. Love food? Really eat excellently...wait a minute, did I even listen to anything? This can't have been the message. Please, give me a do-over, Kurt is a man who loves Jesus. He strives to do his best in everything he does because of C323. He was very encouraging to all of us in attendance as he hobbled around, a week after hip surgery. He did an excellent job.

Finally, Gina came to hang with Pam for a while and brought some scarves to share. She used an international male supermodel (who wouldn't sign the pic release) to show some tying styles. Thanks Gina.

Thanks for all the prayers, the encouraging cards and notes, the walks, the calls, the texts, sending the cleaning ladies to our house (thanks Mossville School), food, kid watching, the list goes on. Pam is (we are) really lifted up by you all.

Itchy...huh?

2009-03-19T11:53:00.012-05:00

The post "Where do you..." that preceeded this post probably only made sense to those folks from Chillicothe. One of our local newspapers (yes, we have two) regularly shows photos of people in exciting locales, reading the Chillicothe Independent. Here, our kids, Sea World in June 2005, posed for the pic that I didn't send to the paper to be published. I don't remember if I forgot to send it or I just looked at it and thought "I CAN'T send it." Anyway, with the newspaper, camera and Pam all present, I couldn't resist the photo op.

The photo below actually paints a more accurate picture of yesterday. Pam was pretty uncomfortable for all but the last couple of hours of treatment day. She had a horrible time with itching and at some point she thought it was the treatment recliner. Perhaps someone left some strange itching germs behind and it got to her. She gave me the itchy recliner and she took my window seat. I didn't notice any itchiness. By the time Janette Ackerman and FloMom showed (and way after she saw Lori and Gina) however, Pam was feeling better. She was glad Janette wasn't there to see her in the loopy druggy phase that is the start of each chemo day. There are plenty of Pam text message recipients who know what I am talking about. At the end of the day she successfully finished both drugs of the 6th treatment of 12. She gets next week off then begins the third cycle of treatments on April 1st.

Like the "harder" post described, Pam isn't feeling the best. This past week she again battled a lack of energy, lack of the ability to sleep, aches and pains and the sinus infection that isn't. Our buddy and ENT Randy, whose office is just over Pam's left shoulder in the pic, looked at her again last week (not in that office, rather at his kitchen table...how cheap are we?) and saw no obvious infection in the nose or fluid in the ears. The blood continues to persist though. And since last week Pam has had significant ringing in her ears and seems to have lost some hearing in at least one. This is her cancer experience, one thing leads to another. Yesterday she met with her oncologist who said that the neuropathy that is associated with one of the drugs she is receiving is way more common in the arms/finger/legs/toes. Once every five or six years he sees someone have it in their head. Argh, again, Pam is teetering on being in the "rare" group. She has two weeks off to see if the ringing in the ears and the hearing problems increase or decrease. If the problems increase, then it may be decision time. We don't want her ending up like Mary Ingalls (Little House on the Prairie). Except I guess Mary went blind. Bad comparison, but you get my drift.

Thanks to the many who keep her going. She puts on a good face for company and a peppy tone for callers, but it isn't so easy. Thanks to the girls who get her walking, that really helps. Thanks to the unknown woman who came up to her yesterday at the cancer center and said "I know you are sick, but you are so beautiful I just had to tell you. God is good." To which Pam replied, "All the time." He is, you know. Through this trial, He is unchanging and loving and always there. No doubt.

Where do you...

2009-03-18T10:19:00.005-05:00

...read your

Chillicothe Independent?

harder

2009-03-15T10:10:00.008-05:00

I try to keep these posts a little informative and as light as possible. But since the last post which described treatment #5, Pam has really begun to feel the part of a chemo patient. Chemotherapy is a deep, dark pit of trials. Sometimes, like 4 years ago, the struggle begins instantly and overwhelms the participant(s). And this time it began so well that some of us forgot that the drugs compound week to week, eventually producing the effects we thought perhaps might not surface.

In the past few days the fatigue has really increased. Actually, all the physical difficulties have increased significantly. Sleep is rare and light. Headaches. A sinus infection that her body can't battle is in it's 6th week. And the list goes on and on.

But my plea here is for prayer for her on the emotional level. This physical attack on her body by cancer is accompanied by a terrific battle for her emotions. Lonliness knock s on her door daily now. The fight with cancer weakens you initially, but you can be stronger because of it. Pam experienced this as she fought cancer from 2004-08, growing weaker through 05-06 and stronger through 07-08. Of course the end of 2008 revealed that perhaps the mountain she conquered was actually only a foothill. So, if you happen across this post and read it, I will thank you to say a little prayer for her before you leave.

exCiting treatment day

2009-03-11T14:27:00.010-05:00

Big changes today. Really big. Rather than receiving her treatment in Pod B, Pam was treated in Pod C. OK, so actually not so big or exciting, but it was a little different. Very crowded, very noisy. We waited alone in the Pod B waiting room for a while when I noticed no one was around. I looked into the treatment room and it was empty. That's when we realized things were different, like we were in the wrong waiting room. Here is a pic of Pam waiting, she could have waited a very long time before hearing her name called. Time flies when you are asleep.

One drug today, in and out in under 5 hrs. Not bad. Amy Crose came for awhile and the two of them discussed a book (again, a book talk...this time it was Deeper, by Debbie Alsdorf). Who talks about books when there is free wi-fi and we brought our laptop? Amy actually ended up at the cancer center longer than Pam. She had a meeting in her car and we saw her still engrossed in it as we left.

And, what are the chances of bumping into Don Bowen at a cancer center? Must be like 1 in 2. Pretty crazy.

Thanks for the continued prayers. Pam isn't feeling fantastic, but not horrible either. Prayers for her have clearly been answered as this chemo could be a far harder experience. Would appreciate prayers that the last 7 (she just finished #5) go as well. By the time she is done, school will be nearly out and it should be warm. Then we'll start asking for prayers concerning radiation.

(If the pictures seem of lesser quality this time it is because it appears I have broken my third camera in 12 months and had to resort to taking pics with my phone.)

LIVE from the cancer center (almost)

2009-03-04T11:06:00.012-06:00

After 14 days off, Pam is back in the recliner taking her medicine. It was kind of a rough couple weeks, not feeling well, mostly due to a virus or infection she just can't shake. Her ability to fight infections is diminishing, but really, she is doing pretty well physically.

This video was taken just minutes ago, so this is almost Live. If Pam were awake, she would thank you for joining her.

We have been continually humbled by how much love and care has been shown to Pam (each of us) through all of this. We shudder to think that she is still on the front end of treatments. But Pam has a faith that is unwavering and knows her Lord is with her through all of this. But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." 2 Cor. 12:9.

Above is a candid shot of Pam from last Saturday evening after church. Notice the hair. Pretty close to original.

And now she is awake and catching up on her computering.

Putting the happy back in chemotherhappy

2009-02-22T11:07:00.007-06:00

Again, remember, this post (actually I guess all of them) is coming from the point of view of the caregiver. This paragraph in particular is my point of view that may or may not be shared by the caregivee. I have actually been wanting Pam's hair to fall out. Not just because it will save hundreds on hair product and hours of prep time (which she told me not to expect to change), but because I like to see that the drugs are doing their job. So I am at least a little happy to know this chemotherapy is attacking cells as promoted. Pam's side effects in 09 are a far cry from those in 05. We couldn't miss them then. This time they have been vague. Increased lack of energy. Aches and pains. Slight bleeding. Increased insomnia. They were vague enough that this caregiver was actually wondering if the dosing was maybe too light or too spread out.

Friday night we went to the Bradley Braves Club & Women's basketball team's "Pink Zone" reception. It is a fund/awareness-raiser for breast cancer and the Susan G. Komen Foundation. No one could have guessed Pam was 1/4 the way through chemo as she attended. Few there knew she was a recurrent breast cancer patient. Yesterday Pam met with some friends over lunch and discussed a book called "The Shack" (book talk...boring...caregiver point of view). She made it home in time to head to church to lead her group of 2nd/3rd graders. She even ok'd going to Avanti's after church with some of our incredible friends (didn't think that would happen with her lack-o-energy). Finally we made it home.

Pam was in the bathroom for a long time last night, the door was cracked. I finally peered in. There she stood with a sink full of hair. It started coming out a few days earlier. It seemed ok all day yesterday, but that may have been the massive amount of sticky hair products keeping it attached. So she pulled and pulled. Occasionally she would look at me and ask "Do you think it is just thinning or is it all coming out?" Time to be a man, so I replied, "What do you think?" She looked away and kept pulling. Pam was toying with the idea of just shaving the rest off. So she asked me if she should get out the clippers. I manned up and said "Do you want me to shave it off?" She went back to pulling.

This step was easy four years ago when she was disengaged from life and reality during chemo. She simply stumbled out of her bed, said "shave it off it's falling out all over the bed," then went back to bed and awoke a couple months later. This time though, she is fully aware of every step of treatment.

It is very important to Pam how the kids are affected by her illness and treatments. They are in on most every move she/we make. This step needed their input. We called the kids in to view the hair. After having everyone of us view her scalp and take some tugs, Pam finally told us to shave it. In unison the kids both said "I'm first." We worked out that detail and began shaving. It was a slow process, couldn't risk any knicks, she already has enough problems with her bleeding. Josh and Erin stuck around for the first fifteen minutes. The next hour and a half it was up to me to slowly shave her head without putting any pressure on the razor. I can relate to the pressure Sully was under as he landed that plane in the Hudson. But it took longer to shave Pam's head, so I think this was probably harder. When it was complete Pam looked at me and said, "Do you really think it was all going to fall out?" I said of course. She then said, "What if I wake up in the morning and there is stubble?" Argh. My reply was just a blank stare. I have been regretting the short hair cut I talked her into for 17 days now. She finally let me off the hook with a smile.

So this morning Pam awoke to a camera in her face (caregivers point of view). She is bald for the second time in her adult life. Not as big a deal as most people might think. At least not a big deal for someone like Pam who has a nicely shaped head. Here you go.

The saga continues

2009-02-18T13:55:00.005-06:00

The treatments are now on Wednesdays. Just works better for us. Except for today when Pam awoke with a huge migraine. She has been a regular migraine sufferer for the past 4 years. As hard as it must be to believe, the migraine took all the fun out of getting chemotherapy today. Today was to have been a two drug day. The long day, 9AM to ?. In addition to the migraine, Pam has had some bleeding problems which changed the schedule. A mini conference and a physical exam were added to the agenda and in the end Avastin was eliminated from today's menu. So, protocol for Pam has been broken already. Avastin is important to her treatment and will be reintroduced at the next chemo day, which is in two weeks (Pam gets a week off next week). So today it was just the three pre-chemo bags, one hydration and then taxol. We were out by 1:15PM and home by 1:45PM.

Pam was placed in a private room today, keeping her in the dark to help her head. She curled up and pulled the covers over her head and that was about it. The only exciting part was when her problem blood defied gravity and shot out of her body through the tubes straight up to the bags of meds. I had never witnessed that before. Kind of a curious sight.

Lori W. stopped in as usual to check on Pam. Amy C. came to provide some bedside company and almost missed us due to the unexpectedly brief stay. They were both reassuring visitors nontheless and encouraged Pam on a rather dark day, a day that she really doesn't feel well, following a week of not feeling well. The little energy she had is now gone.

One thing about Pam's hair, which you cannot see in the photo, it hasn't fallen out. If it doesn't fall out, I might be in the doghouse for talking her into cutting it short. She misses her long hair a lot. She is wishing she hadn't cut if off so hastily (what was she thinking?).

Comfortably Numb

2009-02-11T10:28:00.015-06:00

Monday was treatment number 2. It went quite well. Three pre-chemo drugs still, but just one chemo. In at 8AM(ish) and out at 2PM. Looks like six hours will be the norm for four of the treatments and eight hours for the other eight. A clearer plan of the treatment schedule was calculated Monday and it only took us 6 hours and talks with one doctor, one friend (who happens to be a drug rep/cancer patient) and two nurses to understand it. Pam had taken extra "calming" meds Monday, so she wasn't tracking very well. I have a video that I am not allowed to post that would clearly show the mellow side of Pam, the Pink Floyd comfy numb Pam. She needs to stay pretty numb for me to get away with posting it. The two non-blue dot pics are frames from that video taken Monday. I took just one photo Monday, but neither Pam, nor her buddy Gina K. would sign the release for me to use the unedited shot. We make the best of the therapy days. It isn't the most fun place to be and last Monday Pam was clearly the youngest one in the pod by probably 20 years, depressing.

Like I said, the schedule has been set. Sadly it took me the same six hours to understand it and I don't take any drugs. I can't even figure out what day it is about half the time. I am just glad there aren't any embarassing videos of me that could end up on the internet. The schedule...12 treatments total, 4 sets of 4. Each set, #1 & #3 taxol/avastin, #2 just taxol, #4...nothing, a week off. Assuming she stays healthy and can make each treatment, her last day of chemo will be May 13th.

Pam is still pretty healthy. Her blood numbers remained high after round one. They are expected to begin to noticably drop starting now. So if you have an illness, Pam will have to avoid you. Her body can't battle infections from this point on. Her energy level, which has stayed pretty high, will also diminish soon. She is not sleeping well. However, this is not newsworthy, actually normal for Pam. She has also maintained an appetite. All good.

What is hardest to control are the emotions. As each chemotherapy draws near, the sleepless nights are spent thinking. Those thoughts are a constant battle. Monday morning I entered the bathroom, knowing Pam hadn't slept. When I looked at the mirror it had eight 2x3 post-its stuck to it that weren't there the night before. Each contained a verse written on it (Zeph. 3:17, Phil. 4:13, Isa. 41:10, Isa.40:31, 2 Cor. 1:3-4, Phil. 4:7, Phil. 4:8, and Psalm 107:1). She was preparing herself, reminding herself that God is with her through this trial.

There are many hard parts of dealing with cancer. Showing strength and peace through this isn't easy, but necessary. Two very important sets of eyes are up-close witnesses to all of this, for the second time in four years. Josh and Erin were 8 and 5 when the worst cancer and chemo had to offer visited our home. Thankfully, at 12 and 9, they are seeing the chemo experience we had heard of but Pam never personally experienced. Managable treatments (so far). That is a blessing we hope continues, both for Pam and for the kids who are on this ride as well. She desperately needs to do this entire cycle of treatments. It needs to continue this well. Thanks for that specific prayer.

I write this blog specifically about Pam, but with the knowledge that everyone has battles they are in (health, financial, spiritual, marital, etc.). One thing that gnaws at Pam and really bothers her is that her situation forces her to think of herself way more than she cares to. Sometimes she needs to just talk it out, but more and more she needs to be distracted. She needs to use this odd gift of cancer to encourage others. So if you are talking to her and she changes the subject from how she is doing to how you are doing, or what she can pray for for you, she means it. It is healthy for her. She is being blessed by so many people serving her and praying for her, and she needs the opportunity to return that blessing by using some of her sleepless thinking time to think of and pray for others. Let her know.

How's my hair look?

2009-02-04T18:27:00.004-06:00

I feel I need to share a text Pam sent me this afternoon. But first a little background. Pam had a very significant amount of her hair cut off today. She surprised the kids by picking them up with the new "witness protection" hairdo (witness protection - as in - she looks quite different - and she is still adjusting to it, so the photo above is vague...and she didn't have makeup on and wasn't thrilled the camera came out). This is the text message I received...

erin got in the car &

said "i luv it! You look

like Kate Gosselin b4 she

lightened her hair."

When Josh got to the

car Erin asked, "Who do

u think Mom looks

like?" Josh said, "Dad."

This is different

2009-02-03T14:16:00.024-06:00

Something wierd and different happened yesterday. Pam didn't react to her first chemo treatment. I have to tell you, this is strange. I mean we were praying for this...many, many were praying for this. Why would I be surprised? Oh me of little faith. Psalm 5:3 In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation. I am doing the praying, and I know God hears it, it's just my expectations... (Now I am going to finish this thought. I think I am so used to bad things happening that I pray for the bad to be less bad sometimes. I am sure I have been praying for her reactions to be less bad than the last time. I am thanking those of you who prayed for no reactions, because I don't think I was praying correctly).

Pam entered the cancer center yesterday for her first treatment a little stressed. OK, a lot stressed. During the administration of the three pre-chemo drugs, two people in the room had reactions to Avastin (the first drug planned for Pam). It is hard to not notice in this room (called Pod B) of 15 chairs. It is obvious as all the nurses converge on the struggling patient. Pam didn't even look. She just stared straight ahead out the window. Her thoughts were easy to guess...will that be me? The Avastin was set on a slow drip. All seemed fine. However, at one point I noticed some red spots on her neck. Before I could signal a nurse the hives covered her face as well. But a slowing of the drip and the addition of a bag of saline to dilute the drug stopped whatever was going on. Whew. But the drip was so slow now, this was looking like an even longer day than we expected.

Taxol was the second drug for Pam. Again, slow drips. Really slow. And when her throat started to close up (uh oh), the drip was slowed even more. This helped. Little by little the room was emptying. Pam's arrival time was 9:30AM. At this pace we were wondering if she would finish in the daylight. And then the young woman nearest Pam, also a breast cancer patient, had the reaction of reactions. Hard to witness, but there was nowhere to hide from these sights and sounds. During Pam's first trip through chemotherapy, we just didn't see people going into shock. This was the first treatment of twelve and there were three, argh.

By the time Pam's drips stopped dripping, she was the lone patient. The room had filled, emptied, refilled and emptied again during the day as Pam sat and took her medicine. Only one nurse and the cleaning crew watched her exit at 5PMish. But going slow seemed to really help her. I waited all night for a reaction. Sometime between midnight and 1AM I gave up and went to sleep. I talked to her at about 4:45AM and while her skin felt oddly hot, she said she felt fine. Same today. Prayers have been answered in the most desired way. Thanks for praying.

9:30pm, 2/3/09...maybe some reactions are beginning to show. The joint pain seems to be starting.

If there were a competition for...

2009-01-30T12:52:00.008-06:00

If there were a competition for finding cancer lumps, Pam might just be in the running for world champion because she keeps finding them. It was probably Sunday when Pam started probing areas on her chest. Three spots didn't feel quite right to her. With chemo (Taxol/Avastin) scheduled to begin Monday Feb. 2nd, Pam really wanted her doctor to have a look. She saw him this morning (here she is at the cancer center on the phone). He stopped short of proclaiming anything official. Unofficially, one was explained away, kind of what Pam thought. Another, the one that was not round in shape, rather tubular (yes, even someone "shapeblind" like me can tell round from long & ropelike...shapeblind is a term assigned to me by our nearly 9 yr. old daughter at dinner two nights ago as I mistakenly saw a trianglular object as round) is on the not-too-worried-but-watch list. It was just that little hard round one that drew the most attention by the doctor and his nurse. While it was reassuring to have actual medical people give opinions, it is a bit disappointing to have anything show up so soon after the surgery removing the last three tumors.

The plan is to proceed as scheduled with chemotherapy beginning on Monday. The lump(s) will be watched very closely for any increase or decrease in size and shape. I believe that either of those actions (growing or shrinking) will say a lot. Sadly, either probably means they are cancer. The silver lining...shrinking will be a great indicator of the effectiveness of the treatment. Growth, don't want to see that. So here, you know how to pray in a specific way. We are praying for complete destruction of any and all cancer cells/tumors through this chemo and the following treatments. What chemo only shrinks or stops from growing, let the radiation that is coming finish the job and destroy completely.

As I have said before, our faith is the most important thing in our lives. We are serious about prayer. We also don't treat prayer like a genie's lamp. We ask, knowing that the answer might come in an entirely different way than we expect. Believe me, Pam has been through a lot. We have seen answered prayers and those answers aren't always shaped the way we expected. Evens the field for the shapesighted vs. shapeblind.

The pink bracelets are coming back out. Haven't worn them for a long time. This time it is going to serve as a reminder to pray. It will start on the left wrist with the first treatment and switch to the right for the second, then back to the left (odd treatment left, even right). Hopefully, Pam will be able to complete the 12 cycles and the bracelet will end up on the right, away from her cancer plagued left side.

Expect another post Monday.

Signs, signs, everywhere are signs

2009-01-24T21:19:00.006-06:00

The non-hug warm greeting for Pam, as demonstrated by serious hugger Susan Rychener Saturday night.

Pam, Pam, Pam, Pam, Pam..........

2009-01-24T15:41:00.012-06:00

You can click this little picture to make it bigger. What you'll see is a compilation of Pam photos. Each and every one of these photos were taken within the past 5 years, the oldest at the 12 o'clock position and the newest at about the 11 o'clock spot. And in every photo Pam was carrying cancer tumors within her, recovering from surgery, experiencing chemotherapy, or struggling through the last couple of years with chronic pain and fatigue. It is so hard to know what a person is going through by looking at them (the exception being the picks around 6 o'clock).

Cancer is a long haul. There is the shock and awe of finding it (both within the victim, Pam, and her family & friends). The pain and scars of surgery (so difficult for a woman). The physical destruction brought by chemotherapy. The longterm and debilitating effects of the treatment. It is a physical and emtional roller coaster. Tough to do it once, looking tougher to do it again. This time the book is being thrown at Pam. No break after chemo this year as she'll jump right into radiation. That will be followed by hormone therapy that promises even more side effects.

Pam's faith is stronger than these drugs, but there will be days of weakness. There will also be days of extreme lonliness, pain, fatigue and dread. It doesn't go away just because her hair grows back or when she throws on her fashionable clothes or does her makeup. 3.5 years from her last round of chemo and each day was a struggle with this disease, you just can't see it by looking at her exterior.

More views from the "caregiver" will be coming. In the meantime, Pam wouldn't mind if you read this post regarding hugging, written by our friend Randy. It kind of applies to her right now. Click here for "arm rest."

Side effects showed up today

2009-01-21T16:18:00.016-06:00

The good side effects showed up today as Pam spent the middle of it in the hospital getting her PowerPort. What are some of the good side effects of cancer? Stronger and deeper relationships. Stephanie Elder and Pam shared the chair (and she blew our minds). Lisa Benson made sure to have Pam again, giving her the attention only a close friend can. "Kitten," stage name for Kathy since she didn't want me using her real name, came in to check on us. She has been checking on us since she began in the Ambulatory Surgical Unit 12 years ago. Jeannine Vote and Rachel White made it just in the knick of time to hang and encourage. Rachel then slowed everything down as she covered Pam with the most incredible prayer.

This wasn't brain surgery today. It was just a little plumbing job that will make administering chemotherapy a whole lot easier. And it stings a little, and it will leave a mark, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do. You can see it, sort of, in the last pic with Lisa, right before we left the hospital. Pam actually does amaze me. I have officially lost track of how many procedures/surgeries she has gone through. I used to be able to count the scars, but anymore the surgeons try to go in through old scars for new procedures, so I can't keep track that way. In the past four years I would guess Pam has had 9 or 10 procedures/surgeries (THIS JUST IN...the number is actually 12). Turn the clock back to before cancer and you can add in another dozen (or two) or so. I could never count how many IV sticks she has had. Blood transfusions...she has been there, done that. Office visits, easily in the 400-500 range (she has had 20 since mid Nov. 08, 4 appearances since Monday this week alone). We have friends who are doctors and doctors who see her so much they are now friends. Same with nurses obviously.

The bad side effects are horrible memories and fear of them lurk on the horizon. But God is so good and He has done an amazing job of balancing those bad ones with equal and/or better good ones. We can be thankful. Pam is thankful through all of this.

Today's kidwatchers Amy Crose and Stephanie Farris.

Eight Words

2009-01-13T20:38:00.008-06:00

January 2nd was the day Pam met with her oncologist to discuss her treatment plans. She left the cancer center really thinking that she would pass on chemo. It seemed that although there would be some benefit from chemotherapy, that it would be too hard to do again. Pam was charged with considering that decision carefully for a few days. That was on a Friday. By Sunday the thoughts of passing on the treatment began to subside along with any ability to sleep. For the next seven days Pam was awake. Unable to rest, unable to decide, unable to move forward. Too many times I received emails from her, sent at 2, 3 or 4 in the morning, linking me to breast cancer issues. She was researching on the internet...argh... By the end of last week though, through much prayer and some interesting and slightly mysterious connections, Pam was very close to consent.

Being Pam, she drafted a beautiful 3 page, 12 question document and put a call into Dr. Veeder. Without hesitation he asked her to come in and discuss her concerns. We sat and talked for nearly an hour after his office was closed on Monday the 12th. He was in no rush and did his best to explain things and answer questions. He confirmed most of what Pam's research yielded. Breast cancer is very common and commonly cured. About 10 percent will have a recurrence. Once you are in the 10 percent the information becomes sketchier. Studies are fewer as the variables are wide. Pam tried in a variety of ways to pin him down regarding the staging of her cancer, to compare to the results of her research. He didn't totally disagree or agree with her findings. That's OK. Of the thousands of words that were spoken that evening it was all summed up with a simple eight word sentence he produced when Pam kind of backed him against a wall so to speak. "This is your last chance for a cure."

Pam's research from the previous week had told her this, she just needed to hear it. She is in the running for a cure still and she officially decided to do everything available. If the cancer isn't stopped this time, a third recurrence will be treated entirely different (more along the lines of "making you comfortable," "prolonging," etc.). Pam actually walked out as though a weight had been lifted from her.

The fears of the effects of chemotherapy are diminished when compared to the effects of cancer cells left untouched. So she consented to have them touched, hopefully in the most destructive and violent sense. Next Wednesday the medi-port will go in. Chemo begins on Feb. 2nd (one day after Erin's birthday, that's good). One treatment per week of Taxol for 12 weeks. 4 doses of Avastin on the 1st, 6th, 9th and 12th weeks. Then radiation, then anti-estrogen treatmet. Thats the plan.

The kids have been briefed, and they aren't thrilled, but they understand their mom has to do everything she can. Their memories of chemo the first time are fading, but they are fresh enough to strike some fear. Our plans for 09 are kind of taking shape. Thanks for praying Pam/us through.

Oh, the photo. I missed my brown haired wife. She surprised me by actually changing it back last week. Last night I took a photo of her that I thought would be great, but my camera was having problems and the pic wasn't on the card. So today at lunch, desperate for a photo for this update, I asked her to step outside, into the bright sunshine, beautiful white snow and crisp 4 degrees for a photo. The sun was just in the right (wrong) spot to totally overexpose the picture. But I think it turned out better than I could have ever planned or hoped. I have to tell you, I am pretty happy about the way she looks after her first bout with cancer. Kind of makes me anxious to see how much better she'll look after the second. Hubba, hubba.

Still Living the Dream

2009-01-09T14:54:00.009-06:00

Nightmares are dreams too.

It has been a week since Pam was given the treatment options. She has diligently spent this week praying about and considering what she should do. And she still is not sure. The first time through cancer was really hard and yet easier than this time. Emotions are a much bigger factor and experience is causing Pam to contemplate her next move very carefully. She made a couple of doctor changes this week in preparation for the potential chemotherapy that is looming. So without making the final decision, she is still moving forward toward chemotherapy.

I am not sure when Pam will make the final decsion. She meets with a couple key doctors early next week, so that might help. She will also be rescheduling the surgery to put the mediport into her chest (that was originally to have been done two days ago, but was cancelled). Thanks for praying for her at this very trying time.

The Simply Women magazine shown here is from Jan. 05. The photo of Pam and her mom Flo was taken just a couple days before Pam's hair fled the scene. It was also just short of two weeks into her first chemotherapy. I wrote a little about that (click) here. Some of you may recall that Pam had long brown hair originally. After chemo it came back very dark, but then magically got lighter and lighter as it grew longer. This week I put in a request for her hair to be returned to something closer to her original manufacturers specs. And much to my surprise it happened. A photo is coming soon.

Pam's Room

2009-01-02T14:53:00.001-06:00

Every visit to the oncologist, regardless of the time or day, is in the same room at the cancer center. Odd. Her doctor is juggling a bunch of patients in many rooms, but Pam has always ended up in the same room. It is the room where she has received bad news, good news and all the stuff in between. It is where we sit quietly in anticipation and where we ponder complicated information.

A genetic test was done in the past couple of weeks called oncotype DX. It is a new test (2.5 yrs.) and helps in the decision making process of which treatments have the most benefit. In Pam's situation, the toxicities of chemotherapy are a huge negative. Her doctor implied that for most people in Pam's situation, recurrent breast cancer, node positive, chemo should be a given, but maybe not for Pam. She has a track record with chemo that is neatly documented in her 3 inch thick file. The high dose chemo nearly killed her last time. And even though she went through chemo, her cancer recurred. Thus, there is some thinking, and the oncotype DX agreed, chemo may not provide enough benefit and comes with huge negatives. That is decision #1, one which Pam has a few days to pray about and consider. She is scheduled to have a mediport put into her chest next Wednesday in case she decides to proceed with chemo.

Radiation is back on the table. Pam's surgeon, the radiological oncologist, and now her oncologist feel a 6 week daily application could be more beneficial than chemo. But again, it is Pam's choice to undergo this therapy as well. The greatest risk here is lymphadema, as well as fatigue and some added pain.

The treatment that is not really up for discussion is anti-estrogen therapy. That will provide the greatest benefit as far as reducing the short-term chance of recurrance.

None of the three treatments will be easy, but of the three Pam has bad memories and current struggles (chronic fatigue, chronic pain, physical damage) from chemotherapy. But, in the battle with cancer, every option must be considered. You hate to think in hindsight that you skipped something that might have been the difference. It is a tough decision to pass on any treatment. A lack of experience will help when saying yes to radiation. Pam has never had radiation and would choose it far quicker than the known chemo. Anti-estrogen...she HAS to do it, side effects and all.

So, prayer is requested as decisions have to be made.

(PS - no treatment comes with any guarantee and everything is subject to change from appointment to appointment...that's just cancer as we know it.)

Pam has spent the past month recovering from her surgery. She is trying to recover some strength and mobility in her left arm. She still battles the pain issues and sleep comes irregularly if at all. She managed to get composed enough to participate in Northwoods Christmas program. There were 9 services from Friday the 19th to Wed. the 24th, and Pam didn't miss one. Her role wasn't a stretch and she had the costumes already (thanks Ann Taylor and White Black). This photo is from right before one of the services. The kids (pictured in their program clothes) and I also participated, making it yet again another wonderful December experience for our family. I really didn't think she was going to be able to do it. Pam also managed to make the trip with me to Michigan to Randy's funeral. I never thought she could do it for many reasons, but she did and we are both glad she was able to. I also didn't think we would be doing anything on New Year's Eve. While we didn't make it to church or to the Kastelein's as we had so hoped, Pam was willing to venture a couple miles from home for a little while to ring in the new year at the Farris house.

How are our kids? Doing pretty well. It is amazing what they know that you don't realize. As we drove home from the party Thursday AM, Pam was recounting how many good things happened in 08 for us and mentioned that just the last couple months have been tough. 8 year old Erin spoke up and said something to the effect that Nov. 18th was bad. Josh asked why. Erin said that was the date mom found out her cancer was back. She remembered the date. That's tough.

Sleep in Heavenly Peace

2008-12-22T23:18:00.000-06:00

I will miss you my friend. I love you man.

No shadow...winter coming

2008-12-16T06:33:00.000-06:00

Pam emerged from her room yesterday evening and with her good right arm/hand (her left arm kind of dangles like Woody's from Toy Story) did her hair and changed out of her pajamas. Her goal was to join the rest of us at practice for the Northwoods Christmas Program. The timing of her cancer returning was especially disappointing as it has messed with her ability to participate in the program, something we love to do as a family. The schedule for the practices and performances is daunting and exhausting. But Pam decided she would miss no more.

She was a bit stunned to learn that the temperature was a somewhat coolish 9 outside of her room, but she pressed on. And she made it all the way to this seat in the auditorium and decided that was good enough, she watched from there, trying not to stoke the pain further.

The old and new pains she struggles to manage were making her second guess this trip. She feels bad that she didn't get any farther, that she flinched when friends came to hug, that she cringed when kids rushed near, squeezing and bumping, that she maybe didn't say hi to everyone, but she was satisfied that she did something, and she is determined to return this evening. We'll see how it goes, last night was a short practice, 8-10:30 for us. Tonight is scheduled from 5-???. She knows where to find soft chairs just in case.

Pam did get to see some friends. When not hanging out with Brian Urlacher a t Chick -Fil-A, you might find Don Bowen hanging with Pam. Don was last year's Christmas program cancer recipient, getting the news he had brain cancer before one of the 2007 practices. Since then he has had surgeries, treatments and battles with pain. These two WIU alums spent some quality time comparing the drugs they take and the battles they wage, Don's above the neck, Pam's below.

Both were in pain as I took the big photo above, both cranked out great smiles and both are determined to serve God again this Christmas in this program.

Pray for these two, that they are given a break from the pain and healing from cancer.

Hard to swallow pills Chap. 6

2008-12-12T13:47:00.000-06:00

Of all the hard times Pam has experienced, this week ranks pretty high. It was one experience to go through cancer the first time. It is oddly the same and dramatically different the second. The emotions, fears and physical trials are all at a higher level. The surgery Monday was successful as the tumors that were discovered were all removed. These tumors by the way, were all discovered by Pam herself. Though she was confident she had beaten the original cancer, she has been diligent these past three years, checking for anything unusual. She first discovered the lump in the lymph area a few weeks ago and a sonogram and biopsy confirmed it. She then found the two other tumors in a different area after the first was confirmed. The tests ordered after the first tumor, PET and chest CT, never lit up the second two tumors. They only showed up with an addtional ultrasound after Pam's discovery. So, there is a lesson there.

This very long and difficult week culminated at an appointment with her oncologist this morning. It was confirmed that all the tumors were cancerous (no scar tissue as hoped). There is cancer in the lymphnodes and lower on her left chest. We had a very good and lengthy discussion and a suggestion was given as to what type of treatment should be most effective. Radition is not an option, leaving chemotherapy and hormone therapy on the board. Pam has a couple weeks of resting and consideration, then we'll meet again with her doctor to finalize the plan. Treatments would begin shortly after the 1st of the year.

Much of the discussion we had centered around the multitude of problems Pam had during and after chemotherapy the first time. To this day she is still battling the damage done by the original chemo. Her doctor is very understanding and any treatment will be custom tailored to her, not standard protocol. Drugs will be different. Administration will be different. He also said that at any point he could stop the process if it looks like a replay of before. Mildly reassuring, but just talking about it made Pam physically sick. The old aversion, to the cancer center building, reignited as we talked. Tough day ending a tough week.

We have spent a lot of time in doctors office waiting rooms. This morning we were in two, and one even had a view. We'll be in them more and more in the months to come. Pam will do what she must to beat her cancer. She will rely on those who care to pray. She asks for specific prayer that the chronic pain and physical damage she has dealt with since the first chemo will be healed...or at a minimum not worsened by the treatment that is coming.

Another prayer is that our kids be protected through this. At 8 and 12, they have a rather good understanding of cancer. They witnessed Pam go through it before and we have several friends battling it now. They know a lot, and knowledge can be scary. So we will do whatever we can to keep their routines the same and news of what Pam is going through real, but optimistic, because we are. Things will be tough but OK.

Our social life has been affected as well. We used to not have one, now we actually talk to people we aren't related to. Go figure.

Surgery Chap. 5

2008-12-08T16:32:00.000-06:00

Pam came out of surgery today feeling pretty good (thanks morphine). That was around 11am and now, nearly 6 hours later, she really feels like she had surgery this morning. This could be a very long night. She is a trooper though, a veteran of many medical procedures and will be alright. She is very relieved to have the lumps out of her body. A section was removed from the lymph area and two lumps were removed from her chest. We are hoping by Wednesday to hear from her surgeon about the pathology report. Then Friday morning Pam's oncologist meets with her to discuss the details of what is next. Thanks for praying her through this day.

Pam was well cared for as our friend Lisa scheduled herself on her day off to take care of Pam in both pre-op and post-op. That means so much to Pam and really helps her to get through a rather tough and surreal moment as her battle with cancer intensifies again. She has much confidence in her surgeon and oncologist and trusts they are taking all the right steps to help her battle this disease. Prior to surgery I snapped a pic of Pam and Lisa. Don't they look great? Again, don't be deceived, cancer isn't actually this glamorous and Pam doesn't even get to keep the gowns.

Pam Cancer Sequel Chap. 4

2008-12-04T16:01:00.000-06:00

1 for 3, that would be a great batting average (.333) in the MLB, but not so great when only one of your three medical tests comes back seemingly clear. 1. The bone scan (see the bone scan machine eating Pam below) is a great test to pass and Pam's showed nothing suspicious so far (soon to be confirmed). 2. Chest CT, not perfectly clear. Would rather she have aced that test, but... A baseline measurement was made of something in her right lung that could very well be nothing and more tests are sure to follow. This is the normal life of the cancer patient, one test leads to another and to another with a lot of waiting in between. 3. Ultrasound, the test that was ordered after the others were planned, showed a round solid mass on the left side of her chest. This will be removed with the cancer in her lymph area on Monday. After it is dissected we'll find out what it is, probably late next week.

Pam is taking this all in stride. We aren't thrilled with the results of these tests, but it could have been much worse. The new findings have the potential to be absolutely nothing. Pam still has surgery on Monday and the plan is for it to be outpatient. Pre-op is always nice. We usually see Kathy (used to see Robin too) and pray together before surgery. Lisa plans to work on what should be her day off so she can take care of Pam in post-op. We really have good friends in the right places. We have Stephanie on retainer for emergency late night health issues (and shopping). ER doc Troy surprised Pam with a housecall last time through, on a night when she couldn't face the thought of a long wait in another doctor's waiting room. We are blessed.
.
Pam is realistic about what lies ahead, she has had some experience here. We thought it was all over long ago (at least I thought it was, I even wrote that...boy was I wrong...click here and you can see how I ended Pam's cancer battle a long time ago and as a bonus you'll see how great she looks without hair.)
.

So I ask for a little prayer for my wife as she has surgery first thing Monday. I will let you know how it goes. Thanking you in advance.

Randy

2008-11-25T20:03:00.000-06:00

I know this is a blog "just about Pam's cancer," but it isn't. Please, pray for Randy and the whole Shafer family right now. He has ministered to and mentored so many of us (and in Pam's case, as recently as Sunday evening, when he spent time just encouraging her as he himself labored to breathe freely). Thank you. Randy's blog is deeper and more revealing than anything I have ever read. Here it is if you are interested http://www.fogparty.blogs.com/

Watch in "high quality" if you can.

Pam cancer sequel chap. 3

2008-11-24T19:47:00.000-06:00

This update about Pam begins with a plea for a friend of ours, Randy. Maybe you know him, maybe you don't, but he is an incredible friend and encourager to us and he is suffering greatly right now, so I am asking for prayer on his behalf (like right now). Pray for healing, comfort and peace. Thank you.

Today Pam met with her surgeon. She added a third test to next week for Pam (chest wall ultrasound to go with the bone scan and chest CT already scheduled). The fun of taking the tests will be forgotten as soon as they are complete and the waiting begins for the results (these tests really need to come back negative). On Dec. 8th Pam will have surgery to remove the tumors. If all goes well she will be in and out on the same day. Pam will have some limitations following her surgery for a few weeks. No driving or lifting. I am adding no shopping to the restriction list as well. It is for her own good. Then more waiting as the tumors are dissected. By Dec. 12th the pathology reports will be ready and Pam will get her first clue as to what type of treatment her oncologist will recommend. These are all big days for her and your prayers will be cherished.

This blog...why? People seem to have real concern for Pam and this is the easiest way to communicate how she is doing and ask for prayer from many people at once. Those who want to know how she is doing and how they can pray, can simply check here anytime. I have no idea how often I will post. Hopefully I will be done soon. Praying she doesn't have a repeat of her long drawn out experiences from 3 & 4 years ago. Personally I follow blogs of a few friends who are battling cancer & serious illnesses like Randy, Don, Lexi, Lanie, Rachel & Chris. I want to know how they are and I love to pray for them. So I am offering the same for my Pam.

Don't be confused, having cancer is not always as glamorous as these fancy blogs make it seem. Yes, you hobknob with wealthy, well-educated doctors. You have fabulously expensive machines devoted to you nearly every week. You get to taste some pretty exotic and expensive drugs that take you to far away lands and almost back again. You learn so many new vocabulary words you begin thinking you are smarter than you actually are because you suddenly know when to use the word metastatic instead of metastasize. (OK, even me, someone with a 95 IQ...not to brag, but that is nearly a perfect 100...has difficultly with some of the terminology, so don't be afraid to ask). Anyway, this blog is here and I hope you find the information helpful.

Pam and I help out a little at church with the kids ministry on Saturday evenings. Four years ago we were doing the same when Kevin Elder was teaching. He had the couple dozen kids come around Pam and pray over her. It is a memory we'll never forget and a moment we didn't think would happen again. Well last Saturday evening it did, on a big scale. Rick Rogy was teaching and gathered together the 55 2nd-3rd graders, the 46 4th-5th graders and a dozen or so adult leaders and they all prayed. Comforting, encouraging, uplifting...a wonderful moment in the middle of a rotten couple of weeks.

Pam cancer sequel chap. 2 (11/21/2008)

2008-11-22T10:25:00.000-06:00

I suppose if you have gone through cancer or serious illness (yourself or with a relative), you'll understand the first part of this email. Pam's experience the first time around taught to me to take notes. Let me share with you my notes from today so you can get a feel for the cancer patient visiting the doctors office (you have to hate going to any doctor, but when his office is called Peoria CANCER Center, double that). Also I should mention Pam really likes her oncologist.

Notes:
*
Doctor enters, says "Good to see you Pam...
...I mean bad to see you."
*
Doctor says "This is a local recurrance of your previous cancer, local is good...
...but this is serious."
*
Doctor says "The pattern of the spreading of this cancer is expected...
...however, your case is not common."
*
Doctor says "The PET and CT scans showed that the cancer is contained in the lymphnodes which is much better than a metastatic recurrance in say the bones or lungs...
...but PET/CT scans don't alway light up these types of slow growing cells,
so let's schedule you for a bone scan and CAT scan."
*
Doctor says "This is likely the least-worst situation...
...but it is serious." (used the S word twice!)
*
Doctor says "I recommend surgery to remove the nodes. The nodes will be dissected giving clearer direction as to follow up treatments such as radiation and/or hormone therapy...
...and/or chemotherapy or all three." (Chemo is a bad, bad word in Pam's cancer world.)
*
good/bad/good/bad/good/bad...argh.

Now, I may have quoted her doctor's words out of order, but you get my drift. It is a recurrance of her original cancer from 4 years ago. It looks as though it is the best situation as far as the location of the recurrance for treatment. Her doctor will proceed with more tests to gain a certainty with what she actually has going on within her before establishing a treatment plan. That is greatly appreciated after what Pam experienced before. So, more tests, more appointments, a little surgery and as yet to be determined treatment...Happy Holidays!

It may seem odd to some that we throw Pam's medical information out so openly. It is simple. Our faith is very important. Part of that faith is the understanding that prayer comforts and heals. It is very encouraging to know people are praying. So I harness a little fraction of the www and send out the information, selfishly hoping some will pray. Thank you to those who do.

I didn't post this on a blog yet (yes I did)... seems like that would be giving in (guess I did). The blond in the pic above is Pam. She is handling this quite well, though some folks wonder. When you have cancer, you find yourself in the hospital, a doctors office, or diagnostic center a lot. There are a lot of germs in those places. In the past 7 days Pam has been in 5 different medical facilities. At some point she picked up a cold and lost her voice. She also ended up with pink eye. So if you see her, it will look like she has been crying. If you hear her on the phone, she will sound terrifically distressed. Don't worry, she is doing very well considering.

Thanks for the concern and the prayers.

Pam cancer sequel chap. 1 (11/19/2008)

2008-11-22T09:57:00.000-06:00

Around three years ago I brought to an end the email chronicle of Pam's experience with cancer and the treatment that followed. She has dealt with a little list of problems since, but we really believed she had overcome the actual cancer. Pam is 3 years and 8 months past chemotherapy and had been convinced she would reach the coveted 5 years clear. Those thoughts were dashed in a short phone call received while in the WMBD TV 31 news studio late yesterday afternoon. So I am back to writing what I never expected to again, details of Pam's battle.

We don't know a lot about what is going on within her, but will soon. What we know and will share is that a little over a week ago Pam discovered a lump or two in the lymph area under her left arm. Being prudent, she called her doctor who sent her for a sonogram last Thursday. In an all too "2004ish" familiar way, the doctor that read the sonogram said something like "it is probably nothing but let's do a biopsy." Very similar to what Pam heard from her initial doctor's appointment 4 years ago. I placed a picture of Pam above, she looks great. This is from Sunday (16th), the day before her birthday, also the day of her biopsy. Let this picture serve as a lesson, you can't judge a book by it's cover. The results of the biopsy Monday were delivered to her cell phone as we waited with our Erin in the studio for her much anticipated stint as the weather kid with Chuck Collins yesterday. Bad timing, bad delivery mode, but Pam really wanted to know. The beautiful sunshine of yesterday had her really up and convinced the tests would say all clear. So Pam calmly accepted the news and spent the next hour as the picture of composure while our kids enjoyed the "news" experience. It will be a day we never forget for a couple of reasons.

Hopefully by Friday we'll know what is happening within Pam...is this a recurrence?...is this a new cancer?...is it nothing (wouldn't that be a nice answer to prayer!)? I will likely move this info to a blog and if you want to know what's up, you'll have a place to go to find out.

This email had a couple of purposes. 1) Let you know (and share...my contact box is limited), 2) and to ask you to pray for Pam.